Poker Jokes

The most common form of cheating online is called “collusion”. Colluders work in teams to either bet other players out of the pot, share information about what cards they each have, or to “chip dump” to one another. Chip dumping is where 2 or more players will enter the same tournament or SNG, and one player will then deliberately lose his chips to the other player, giving that player a greater chance of winning.

Collusion over any length of time is can be detected by any experienced player, and also through site security teams. All good poker sites have automated software that interprets players’ betting patterns to detect if they are colluding, and this software is extremely intelligent. People are often caught when they attempt to gain an unfair advantage by collusion, and when this happens the poker sites ban the account, confiscate the colluder’s money and give it back to the players who were disadvantaged.

How to Detect Collusion in Online Poker

Sometimes collusion can be easy to detect. If two players each have 2000 chips, and one person raises to 1990, and then folds to the other players all in for only 10 more chips, it’s a pretty clear case of chip dumping (Yes, sometimes they are that obvious!). If you see 2 players at the same table constantly and never see them play a hand against each other, this is another common way colluders are detected.

What you can do about Collusion in Online Poker

If you have reason to suspect players are colluding or “team playing” against you, report the players involved to the site so that they can be investigated. It will help if you can record the players’ names, as well as the tournament or table ID number. If you are playing on a site where each individual hand is given a hand number, record that too if possible.

The other way to avoid colluding players is to make sure you are playing on a site with an active security team. The two best sites in this regard are Full Tilt Poker and PokerStars, both of which have state of the art software and full time security teams. I have personally had money refunded to me after reporting players for colluding in a Hyper Turbo Sit ‘n’ Go on PokerStars, so I can recommend them whole heartedly. The links are included below for your convenience.

It is well known that in poker, it is best to have position on your opponent. Position means that for the duration of the hand, your opponents must act before you, allowing you to see their actions and take them into account, while your opponents must act effectively “in the dark” because they don’t yet know what you are going to do. Almost every Texas Hold ‘em strategy guide talks about the importance of positional advantage, and with good reason; If you can try and play the majority of your pots in position, you will have an advantage over the other players on the table. A competent player can sometimes take reduce or eliminate his opponents advantage, by using aggression to counteract his opponents positional advantage.

Poker Out Of Position:

As an example, lets’ consider typical No-Limit Texas Hold ‘em hand. In this instance, let us say that you are in the big blind with 8c-9c. The player on the button raises to three times the big blind (which is pretty standard) and you call call. Most players in your position would check the flop 100% of the time here. This is called “checking to the aggressor” and is perhaps the most over-used move in the poker world, particularly in tournament play where it is often not the best way to play the hand. By checking, you give the initiative to the button raiser. He will often bet whether or not he has a hand (called a C-Bet or Continuation bet), putting you in a difficult situation if you didn’t hit a piece of the flop.
In this sort of a situation, it’s often a good idea to look at the flop and ask yourself, “Is this flop likely to have hit my opponents hand?” If you can decide on a probable answer to that question, you can decide how best to proceed in the hand.

Flop Texture Out of Position:

If the flop comes with 3 high cards such as Ad-Qh-7c, it’s often best to just check and fold to a bet, particularly if your opponent raised from early position, as most players who raise do so with big cards likely to connect with that flop. However, if the flop is Td-5c-2c, then it is much less likely that your opponent’s hand improved. In texas Hold’em, the chances of two unpaired hole cards making a pair on the flop is only about 1 time in 3. That means that 2 thirds of the time your opponent will miss a flop like this completely.
I the texture of the flop indicates that your opponent may not have connected, you can take the initiative and make a bet. A bet of about 50% of the pot is usually a good size. On this flop, you actually have a flush draw, so betting is a good idea for several reasons: You might win the pot straight away if your opponent only has 2 high cards or a low pair, Or your opponent might call, but fold to another bet on the turn. You might even make your flush and win a big pot off an opponent who was calling with a hand such as A-T. If you are able to get any reads on your opponent, they can help dictate whether you are better off betting again (a semi-bluff) or if you should just check-fold your hand.

Betting when Out of Position:

Taking shots when out of position can be a very profitable strategy, particularly in tournaments where every pot is important. Playing aggressively is always going to be a good strategy, and most people will give your out of position bets a lot of respect, simply because they are used to players out of position checking to the aggressor. Players in tournaments particularly will often give up on weak or medium strength hands, because they know that losing all their chips means that are out of the tournament. Players in cash games will often be more inclined to call with weak hands, as they can always put more money on the table if they bust out.

Let aggression be your friend, and take the initiative, even when out of position. In this way, you can win plenty of pots that would have otherwise gone to play player in position.

There is a well know saying in poker: “There are three ways to play pocket jacks, all of them wrong.”

Pocket Jacks (or “fishhooks”) are well known as being a very difficult hand to play. The reason for this is that they are often the best hand preflop, but more than half the time the flop will come with at least 1 overcard, and all of a sudden your jacks don’t look so good. Here are some general guidelines to help you win the most (and lose the least!) with JJ:

It’s usually a good idea to play jacks aggressively as long as you have no reason to believe that they are no longer the best hand. Usually raise with Jacks preflop, and if you only get 1 caller or two, that’s a pretty good situation for you. If the flop comes all low cards, you can often continue to push the hand along by betting. However if an overcard comes, you need to be careful. Be wary of an Ace in particular if you are up against than 2 or 3 players. Lots of people will call a raise preflop with any Ace, so chances are that one of them just hit it. You are usually best off just checking and folding in this situation.

But if, say, a Queen or King comes and you are up against only a single player, it might be worth betting to try and take down the pot right there. If they call or raise, then you will need to back off and try to see a cheap showdown. You raised preflop, and you bet on the flop when a high card came. If your opponent is still hanging around, chances are good that they have a hand. Knowing when to back off is one of the most important skills that you can develop as a poker player. Don’t get tied to Jacks just because they are strong preflop; once it becomes clear that you are beaten, let the hand go.

If you are facing a raise, it helps to know what sort of player you are against. Does he raise every time it gets folded to him, or does he need to have a big pair or AK to raise? Is he just raising because he has position? Is he raising from the button just to try and steal the blinds? If you have any reason to believe that ha isn’t rasing exclusively with premium hands, then you can re-raise with your jacks. If your opponent seems to be tight though, just calling his raise and then reassessing on the flop might be a better way to go.

Another concept to keep in mind is the stack size of yourself and your opponents. If you have JJ in a tournament situation and you only have 10 big blinds or so, then just shoving all in or raising all in yourself is usually the best option.

In a cash game where you might have as many as 100 big blinds in front of you, you can’t really move all in or re-raise all in with JJ. Most of the time you will win preflop, but the times that you don’t win preflop will be when your opponent has AA, KK, or QQ, all of which will require you to get very lucky to win. You can still re-raise with JJ in a deep cash game, but be prepared to slow down on the flop if the action gets heavy enough to indicate that you are beaten.

If you are new to Omaha poker, or even poker in general, it’s not usually a good idea to jump in and start playing with real money right away. Most prefer to get some practice in on one of the many “free play” poker sites online. These sites usually have a real money section, as well as a “play money” section where you can learn the rules, get used to the way Omaha is played, and also develop your skills without having to risk a cent of real money. Then once you decide that you are ready to play Omaha for real cash, you can make a deposit any time you like.

Although most sites offer “play money” as an option, not all sites offer Omaha, and even if they do, there may not be enough volume on the site to have Omaha games running very often. Because of this, there are only 2 sites we recommend if you want to play free Omaha poker online. Here they are:

Carbon Poker is one of the new contenders in the online poker market, and is one of the very few poker sites that accepts US Players on their Omaha tables! Carbon poker is a very strong site with good graphics, smooth running software and a massive selection of poker games to play for free or for real money. Carbon Poker also has plenty of freerolls to help get your bankroll started! If you are from France or Australia however, you are unable to register with Carbon Poker.

One of best known poker/casino sites online, PartyPoker has a wide range of “play money” games and tables to choose from. They are a large site, and so you will find freeplay Omaha games at any time of the day. The software on PartyPoker is smooth and clean, and their lobby is easy to navigate. PartyPoker is not available to players from the USA however.

All poker players go through runs of bad or good luck at some point. Times when your Aces get cracked over and over again, or times when you seem to flop a monster just about every hand.

These runs of luck can lead people to believe that winning at poker isn’t based on skill at all. The truth however is that even though luck will make a big difference to the results of a single hand or a single session, skill is much more important over a larger timeframe. In the long run, a player who consistently plays well will always end up ahead of someone who gets luck sporadically.

On any given day, a complete donkey can get lucky and beat the best player in the world. If those same players play against each other time after time however, the professional player will always win back his money, and probably all of the donkey’s money too.

While there isn’t really anything you can do to increase the chances of getting lucky, there are certainly some ways to reduce the impact that being unlucky has on your game. The most important of these is having a good bankroll management strategy.

A solid bankroll reduces the swings that luck can cause, and lets you better weather the downswing if you get unlucky for several sessions in a row. Make sure that you are only playing with a small percentage of your bankroll at any given point in time, that way you will still have money to play with even if you get extremely unlucky.

Remember though: If you are losing time after time, it could be because you are playing incorrectly. Make sure you can be honest with yourself. Evaluate your plays to see whether if really was just “luck”, or whether there is a way you could have played the big hands differently to lose less money.

Luck has a role to play in poker over the short-term, but over the long grind, it’s going to be the most skilled player that ends up with the money.

Good luck at the tables, but more importantly, play well!

While poker is one of those games that can be learned quickly, it can also take a lifetime to master. This article will hopefully get you up to speed a little bit quicker than that!

We will help you break it the game of poker down step by step, and show you what to focus on at each stage of your learning. Follow the links at each stage as you go along, and you will find more information on each subject.

There are 3 steps to learning poker.

1. Learn the rules

You will need to know what beats what in the particular game you are playing. If you are playing Texas Hold’em for example, you need to know the different hands that you can make. You can have a look at the Hand Rands for Texas Hold’em here.

Then you will need to find out how the game works, ie: the betting, raising, folding, the blind structure, and that sort of thing. If you have never played a game of poker before, it might take a little while to absorb it all, but it is actually more simple than it seems. To find out how the game is played, read How Texas Hold’em is Played.

2. Gain experience playing free poker

After you know what the different hands are, and also how the game progresses from one betting round to another, you should jump into a game, and see how you go! It’s important not to play for real money at this stage. You are still learning, and risking cash straight away probably won’t work out well. If you can organise a casual game with friends, that’s a good way to get some practice in. If that doesn’t suit you, try playing one of the free online poker sites. There are plenty to choose from, and you can read about all of them here: Free Online Poker Sites.

We recommend Carbon Poker, as they are an excellent site for playing free poker online, and they are also available to players in the USA. Here is their link:

3. Learn the numbers

After you have had a bit of practice playing free poker, it’s a good idea to learn a bit about the numbers behind the game. Learning a bit about the basic mathematics and odds will not only make the game a more interesting for you, it will also significantly improve your chances of winning!

You don’t really need to know the exact mathematical chances for every single eventuality, but you will benefit greatly from a general understanding about your odds in certain common situations. In some cases simply knowing whether you are the favourite or the underdog is good enough.

You can find a list of important concepts and Poker Odds here. If you are involved in a big hand, you can review it afterwards to see whether you made the right decision or not.

4. Learn the people

Knowing the rules and the numbers is only part of the game. Different players will play the game with their own individual style. Some players will play tight, some players will play loose, some players will always try to bluff, and some players have never bluffed in their whole life. Being able to adapt to the way other people on the table play is one of the best skills to master in poker.

No matter what style a person plays in, chances are that they have some weakness in their game that you will be able to exploit. If they always fold when they don’t have a strong hand, you can bet and raise them constantly. If they tend to call all the way to the river even with weak hands, then you can get paid well when you hit a strong hand.

If you play against a similar group of people all the time (at a home game or a casino for example) knowing how each player plays will make a huge difference to your chances of winning.

The most common type of player that you will run into when playing free poker or low stakes poker is the Recreational Player. It’s a good idea to learn how they play, as they will make up the majority of your opponents when you start out.

In Texas Hold’em poker, as in every other form of poker, you should only play hands that will show a profit over the long run.

There are usually 3 factors that affect the profitability of a hand in Texas Hold’em Poker:

1. The strength of your hand
2. Your position at the table
3. Your skill level (compared to your opponents)

You may have a moderately strong hand such as 9-9, but if you are in terrible position (say, under the gun), and against the 8 best poker players in the world, you may not be able to show a profit even with a hand such as this.

If you have a very week hand such as 6-4 offsuit, but you are playing on the Button, and your opponents are all first time players, then you will probably still show a long term profit with a hand even this weak.

This preamble merely to introduce you to a type of hands that are generally unprofitable for novices, but can be very profitable from intermediate and professional players. This type of hands are:

Suited Connectors

Suited connectors are consecutive cards of the same suit, such as Js-Ts or 6c-7c. A small-suited connector hand would be one like 4d-5d or 5h-6h. Suited connectors are powerful hands because when they flop strongly, the hand is well disguised, and when they miss the flop, they are easy to let go of.

For this reason, suited connectors are considered “Drawing Hands”, because though they rarely flop a made straight or flush, they will often flop a draw to either (or both) of those strong hands. When playing suited connectors, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Suited Connectors Need Good Flops:

A good flop for a suited connector like 7c-8c is either 2 pair, a made straight, a made flush, or a straight draw, flush draw, or combination draw (such as a straight-flush draw or a pair + a straight draw). You aren’t trying to hit merely 1 pair with a suited connector, as that pair will rarely be top pair, and if it is, you are still usually a long way behind any player who holds an overpair. If the flop comes Ac Kd 8s, you must be willing to throw the hand away. This isn’t the flop you wanted, so don’t put any more chips into the pot.

Suited Connectors Benefit from Position:

While all hands are more profitable when played in position, with suited connectors this is particularly true. When you are acting last with a flush or straight draw, you get to see all the action that has happened in front of you, so you can easily calculate the odds you are getting to call. If you have position, you also have less to fear from a player re-raising on the flop after you have called an earlier positioned players bet. For this reason, you should be more inclined to play suited connectors on the button than you would under the gun.

Suited Connectors Need Cheap Flops:

If you take a suited connector like 4c-5c, and then deal out the cards for the flop, turn, and river, you will find that a suited connector only makes a flush or straight about 1 time in 4. Most of the time in a game of poker your opponents will be betting at you, so it will often cost you some money to see all 5 cards. Because of this, you want to see a flop for the cheapest amount possible. It is no good calling off 20% of your stack preflop, as you will very rarely hit a flop that you like. Seeing a flop for just 1 blind, preferably from the button is often the best way to profit from suited connectors. Putting any more than 3%-5% of your stack into the pot preflop with a suited connector is rarely a good idea.

Consider a Semi-Bluff with your Draws:

If you flop a big draw with your suited connectors (such as an open ended straight draw + a flush draw, giving you as many as 15 outs) and the size of the pot is large, you may want to consider moving all in as a semi-bluff. This move can give you multiple ways to win: All your opponents might fold, and you take the pot down with what is currently a worthless hand (such as 7 high), or you get called and win a massive pot if your draw makes it. This is a powerful move as with 14 outs you are approximately even money to win the hand, even against a hand as strong as an overpair! If you have 15 outs, such as the straight-flush draw, then you are often a favourite to win the hand by the river! If the pot is small and moving in would be a massive overbet, It might be best to make a smaller bet than all in, or you could go for a check-raise.

Suited Connectors can be some of the most profitable hands to play, but make sure that you play them only in situations that are to your advantage.

My name is Ashton Cartwright, and I am a professional poker player. Making a living from poker was a goal I set myself from the first moment that I encountered this game, and I am very satisfied with success I have had.

As to how I got interested in poker: I was an avid Magic the Gathering player for several years (nerd for life I’m afraid!), and had been making a small amount of money winning weekly Magic tournaments. At the time I was close friends with the reigning National Champion by the name of Tim He, who was virtually undefeated for several years. Tim stopped suddenly to pursue poker in preference to Magic, and almost immediately placed third in an AAPT at Sydney, winning several hundred thousand dollars.

The idea that there was a game that pays such amazing money was all the inspiration I required to make the switch. I quit Magic almost immediately, and decided to make a serious run at being a professional poker player. I game myself 2 years, and I said that if I wasn’t profitable enough to make a living from poker after that time that I would quit and find a different game.

My first step was to get an online account set up and play ONLY with play money. I told myself that I would not deposit a single dollar until I had won 100 times the play money chips that I started with. I was playing on Pokerstars at that point, and on that site you start with 1000 in play money chips. I (through poor bankroll management and lack of skill) lost that first 1000 chips once, and then a second time. Since I had now received a total of 3000 chips, and my goal was to make at least 100 times that amount, I set my target at 300,000 in play money chips. It took me approximately 45 days of almost constant play, but it assuredly taught me the fundamentals of poker, and how to play tight in particular (as I contend that tight play is the only effective strategy to use in play money games).

On the 3rd of April 2008 I made my first deposit online of $50. I had read all the Harrington on Cash Games books by then, and several of the Sklanzky books as well (I am an avid reader, and for 12 month allowed myself to read nothing but poker literature). I was acutely aware that strict bankroll management is one of the most important aspects of professional poker, so I never invested more than 2% of my bankroll in a single SNG or Tournament, and never more than 5% of my bankroll into a single cash game. Some players have more liberal bankroll management than this, and some have more conservative, but I found this acceptable.

At this level I was only able to play 1c/2c cash games, and SNGs and Tournaments of no more than $1 buy in. I had told myself that under no circumstances was I to ever make another deposit online, so I played as though this $50 was all the money I had in the world.

I found that I was most successful at the SNGs at this level, so that became my primary focus. As my bankroll grew to $100, then $500, then $1000, I continued moving up the limits, keeping always within the 2% requirements that I had set for myself. I played a great deal of Double or Nothing SNGs, and also 18 player SNGs, which I found to be quite profitable. I played comparatively few tournaments, simply because I found the variance and time commitment made them prohibitive.

I also made a conscious effort to steadily increase the number of tables that I played. Once I started playing more than 6 tables I got a 2nd computer screen, and once I was playing more than 12 tables I added another 2 screens to my hardware set up.

By the 2nd of February 2010 I was making enough consistent income to quit my job, about two months ahead of the 2 years I had set myself. At this point I was playing Double or Nothing SNGs almost exclusively, and paying sometimes as much as $20,000 of buyins per day, playing $100 Double or Nothing SNGs 24 tables at a time. My income was only about $50 per hour, which is not much in poker terms, but it was more than enough for me to live comfortably.

I still believe the Double or Nothing strategy I have outlined elsewhere to be the optimal strategy for that particular type of game, and I still believe that Double or Nothings can be among the most profitable forms of poker, particularly at the lower buyins (up to about $50). At the higher levels there are often multiple players on each table playing almost identical strategies, so it becomes a bit harder to show consistent profit there. As a novice, I believe Double or Nothings, when played with a proper strategy and understanding of stack size interactions, to be one of the most effective ways to build a bankroll.

I also feel that low level SNGs are an excellent bankroll builder for new players interested in that format. For low limit cash games, since players are generally loose at those stakes, a tight Set Mining strategy is the best strategy to use.

For me, becoming a professional poker player was a conscious decision that was only made possible by clear planning, constant study, discipline, and good bankroll management. There are many players who are superior to me in skill, yet fail in one of the above attributes (most commonly bankroll management).

For those who succeed in becoming a professional poker player, this life is fun, the hours flexible, and the financial remuneration often substantial. The other benefit of playing Cash Games is that you will likely learn the intricacies of the game much faster than if you restrict yourself exclusively to SNGs.

These days I don’t play at Pokerstars, simply because that is where most of the other full time players spend their time. I mostly hunt for the sites that are a little new, and which have way more fish than the mainstream sites. Particularly for Double or Nothing SNG’s, it’s important to find a site with less talented players, who will make major mistakes in such an unusual format. Most of my time now is spent on either PartyPoker (which allows Australian players), but Carbon Poker is better if you are from the USA (Carbon Poker is one of the few sites that players from the USA can play on).

I wish you the best of luck, but more importantly, play well!

If you are new to internet poker, or even poker in general, it’s not usually a good idea to jump in and start playing with real money right away. Usually you should get a bit of experience first on one of the many “free play” poker sites online. These sites usually have a real money section, as well as a “play money” section where you can learn the rules, get used to the different types of games, and also develop your skills without having to risk a cent of real money.

Although most sites offer “play money” as an option, not all sites offer the same variety or even the same volume of players to compete against. Just as there are differences in the quality and playability of real money poker sites, so too are there differences in the quality and playability of the different free poker sites online. Here is a review of the top sites to play free poker online:

Carbon Poker is a poker site that has entered the international market over the last few years. Being backed my the Merge Gaming Network, and also by the Kahnawake Gaming Commission, Carbon Poker is one of the very few poker sites that accepts US Players in their free online poker games! Carbon Poker is an impressive site with tidy graphics and a very simple to use lobby. They also have Play Money cash games, tournaments, and SNGs, along with freeroll tournaments where you can win real money without even depositing and cash! Unfortunately for the players in Australia, Carbon Poker does not accept Aussie players.

One of best known poker/casino sites online, PartyPoker has a wide range of “play money” games and tables to choose from. The software on PartyPoker is smooth and clean, and there are games running constantly. PartyPoker is NOT available to players from the USA however.

A big name in the poker community, Titan Poker is constantly striving to be the best in the field. Their play money games are no exception, and they have games running at many levels and in many formats, including the big games like Texas Hold’em and Omaha. The software at Titan Poker is fresh and easy to use. Titan Poker is NOT available to players from the USA however.